Misery Made Beautiful
by EveLGW
Summary: Misery made beautiful, right before our eyes ... mercy be revealed ... or blind us where we stand ... (WIP)
1. Chapter 1

Title: Misery Made Beautiful  
by Eve  
  
Rating: PG13 should be enough.  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Pairing: A/C  
Summary: Misery made beautiful, right before our eyes ... mercy be revealed ... and blind us where we stand ...  
  
  
Misery Made Beautiful  
  
  
Cordelia sighed with relief when she finally shut the door of her apartment behind her.   
  
*Home sweet home.*   
  
All she wanted to do was to slip into her old sweats, curl up on the couch with an extra large pint of chocolate ice-cream and watch some mindless TV. Most people who knew her would have been shocked by this behaviour but she just couldn't force herself to care anymore.   
  
While she switched on the lights her jacket was lifted from her shoulders and floated towards the wardrobe.   
  
"Thanks, Dennis."   
  
She dropped her keys on the table. Now that nobody was able to see her except for her ghostly friend she dropped her upright posture and dragged herself towards the bedroom.   
  
She felt so tired.   
  
Emotionally and physically drained of any energy that she once possessed.   
  
*I guess then it's just a hot shower and a long night's sleep, or whatever sleep I'll be able to get tonight anyway.*   
  
A glance at the watch on her nightstand confirmed her suspicions about the actual amount of sleep she would get.   
  
The shower already running thanks to her roommate, she quickly undressed, walked into the bathroom and slipped under the hot stream of water.   
  
"Dennis, what would I do without you."   
  
Her voice sounded hollow even to her own ears. She felt the tears she managed to hold back on the way back from the Hyperion threatening to spill once again and this time she didn't try to hold them back. Sobs wrecked her body as she stood under the spray, coldness seeping into her bones despite the hot rivulets of water that trailed over her skin leaving angry red streaks behind and the heat that fogged the bathroom mirror.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

Misery Made Beautiful  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
He stood at the pier above the beach, gazing at the horizon but not really seeing it or the first signs of dawn.   
  
Standing completely still, his face expressionless except for his eyes which showed the swirl of emotions and memories he tried to hold on to while waiting for what he believed was his destiny after all.   
  
No redemption.  
  
No deliverance.  
  
No promise of happiness because she was gone, out of his reach forever.  
  
Not caring what was going to come after he turned to dust, just knowing that *this* pain, the pain he brought her by his existence was going to have to end.   
  
As the darkness of the night was slowly but irrevocably being replaced by the twilight of a new day, his survival instincts kicked in. His vampire senses went overload, the demon screamed in his head, trying desperately to overrule his resistance and to force his body to run for cover.   
  
But with unbreakable resolve and utter calmness he fought the demon back and forced him to retreat, never showing any signs of his inner turmoil on the outside.   
  
And as the sky lightened further, his gaze became clearer. As if he noticed his surroundings for the first time, he watched the first ray of light creep over the orange-red sky with longing and felt his heart reach out for her.   
  
*I love you, Cordelia. I will always love you. Please forgive me.*   
  
He closed his eyes.   
  
Scalding hot rays of light cut into his skin and made it sizzle with heat, pain seared through his flesh as he smelled it burn and he heard himself scream until the darkness engulfed him for the last time.  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

Misery Made Beautiful  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
She clutched her head as the pain got worse again.   
  
Sitting on the edge of her bed, clad in her oldest pyjamas, she grabbed the bottle of painkillers from the nightstand and took the offered glass of water with a thankful smile.   
  
A few moments later she lay back under the covers and waited for the pills to kick in.   
  
She closed her eyes and remembered the times when he would come to her and try to lessen the pain. Cold fingertips dancing over her heated skin, tenderly massaging her temples while whispering soothing words into her ear.   
  
Over the last few months she came to crave his gentle touch, these precious moments that only belonged to them.   
  
They never talked about these quiet times, never questioned their motives or the emotions that lingered behind their actions, just knowing that it was something they couldn't deny themselves even if it couldn't blossom into more. Even Wesley and Gunn seemed to understand this and never disrupted their calm interludes.   
  
Again she felt bereft and longed for him, for his face, his touch, his voice ...   
  
When the pills took effect and she slipped into a dreamless sleep, Dennis switched the lap on her nightstand off and smoothed the wrinkles out of her bedspread wanting to do anything he could to help her.   
  
Suddenly the pain seared again, she shot into a sitting position and screamed, unprepared for the horrible images that flooded her mind.   
  
"No! Not Angel! NO!"   
  
Blinded by tears she reached out for the phone besides her bed and unintentionally knocked it down.   
  
"Dennis! Help me! I need to call him!"   
  
She felt the phone being placed into her outstretched hands and frantically pressed the numbers. With each ring her hope diminished more and more until after the fifth ring the machine picked up and she heard her own voice telling to leave a message.   
  
"Angel? Are you there? Please pick up the phone, please! Oh God, please don't let him die ... Angel? Don't do it! Don't ..."   
  
Her voice broke when she saw the flocks of dust dancing in the rays of light that lightened her bedroom and the receiver slipped out of her limp hand.   
  
It was too late.  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

Misery Made Beautiful  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
*This isn't hell* were his first thoughts when the oblivion that had engulfed his mind like a protective blanked finally retreated.   
  
It didn't sound like hell, no cacophony of screams and thunder. Just the staccato beating of a far away drum and the sound of waves.   
  
It didn't smell like hell, didn't smell anything like scorched flesh of beings who were burned alive penetrated the air. Instead the salty smell of the ocean surrounded him.   
  
It didn't feel like hell. And he knew hell. Actually been there, done that - literally. Hell was fire and pain, darkness and scorching heat, not warm breezes gently bathing his skin in light.   
  
*Light? Daylight???*   
  
His eyes snapped open and he found himself lying on the pier, gazing at the sunlit horizon. Slowly and unsteadily he stood up, still not fully comprehending as he watched with fascination and awe the ascending sun.   
  
Suddenly he felt his lungs constrict, cry out in need for oxygen and he gasped, finally understanding what had happened.   
  
Something snapped inside of him and he threw his head back and laughed.  
  
Just a few weeks or even a few days, hours ago it would have been joyous laughter that wrecked his body until he couldn't hold himself upright any longer and collapsed on the hard wooden pier.   
  
He would have run back to his friends, run back to her in order to tell her, to show her the miracle that had taken place. The future that once could have been, the one he so often dreamt about would have been within his reach.   
  
But now there wasn't anything left he could have run to.   
  
Now the sounds that were coming from him were soaked with desperation and hopelessness and he felt his mind slowly slipping away.   
  
Nearly choking on his own tears he turned his head towards the sky and cried out.   
  
"Why???"   
  
Why now?   
  
Why now, when everything he had once hoped for was gone?   
  
This should have been his reward.  
  
The one thing he had strived and longed for since the PTB had planted the hope for it deep within his treacherous heart was his.   
  
His wish had finally come true. He got his second chance. But where joy should have been there was just sorrow and emptiness and the pain that washed over him anew like the waves of the ocean.   
  
He was in hell after all.  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

Misery Made Beautiful  
  
Chapter 5  
  
  
Angel never noticed the single spectator who was standing at safe distance watching the metamorphosis that took place before his eyes.   
  
Wesley knew what was about to happen.   
  
Sitting alone in his study looking through the ancient texts he came across a passage that had let him here in a frenzy.   
  
It shouldn't have been there. He knew his texts, knew the texture of the scrolls, knew the words nearly by heart. It was the one thing he was good at. Most of the time anyway. So he knew the passage wasn't supposed to be there. Nevertheless he didn't dare to question it, too much depended upon it. And it had let him to the right place just in time.  
  
When he had first caught sign of Angel standing on the pier he had to fight the urge to interfere, surprised at how strong his feelings of friendship still were despite all that had happened.   
  
Despite all of Angel's attempts to push them away, to severe all threads that bound him to his human friends, madly believing that it would be for the best, that they were better off without him.  
  
Wes felt ashamed that he ever doubted them.  
  
But at the same time the former Watcher knew of nothing he could have done to ease his friend's pain.   
  
He didn't possess the words to make him believe what was going to happen, didn't possess the power to drag him out of his suicidal state of mind.   
  
Acknowledging his defeat, his incapacity to help his friend and the sickening feeling of having failed once again he just stood there and waited.   
  
The two friends waited together yet apart, one oblivious of the presence of the other waiting, hoping and wishing for death, the other waiting for rebirth.   
  
He saw the first rays of light lick over the figure clothed in black, saw the smoke rise and heard his pierced scream. Saw him slump down and lose consciousness as light started to radiate from his inside like glowing embers.   
  
He never took his eyes from the former dark figure as he lay there bathed in his inner light, slowly coming to life before Wesley's very own eyes.   
  
He didn't know how much time had passed when Angel finally stirred.   
  
Howling laughter and the desperate cry still ringing in his ears Wesley cautiously moved towards the pier and towards the confrontation he knew he had to win if he wanted to save the new-born life of his friend.   
  
He approached him, desperately praying to whatever entity who was listening that just once he wouldn't fail.  
  
TBC 


End file.
